Procrastination

I loved it today when my English teacher said to everyone, “those who don’t procrastinate are in the minority.”

Isn’t it nice when people admit to not being perfect?  Maybe I can take a breath now.

I’ve been procrastinating for the last hour by being on this blog thing here.  But I feel justified because I had to think about my math midterm all day (we took it last period) and I am positive that I bombed it.  And yet, I came out feeling happy, because I had had a Eureka moment during the test about a porblem I was trying to figure out.

Next time we have a test I’m going to sit somewhere far away from her desk in the back.  I hate it when she sits on it and looks over us.  Makes me feel stupid for using up as much time as possible just in case, you know, I remember something.

I’m listening to John Mayer.  His early stuff was the best.  maybe because it was less rocky and he looked less like a drug dealer with all that hair.  Also, he has nice lips.  I’d kiss them.

Naturally Myself

Ok so I’m all for natural hair, because I think it just works for me.  I think it’s my style, because I’m a pretty afrocentric, bohemian type person, so I’m into my Kinky coils and my dark brown skin, my African features.

I’m hot, and I look just like my mom when she was my age.

But even though I’m all about being natural, and proud, I still believe that thinner is better.  When I say thin, I don’t mean lack of a body, and at my current weight, I’m not fat, but I still want to be thinner.

So my ideal weight (and I’m about 5 ft 6) is 130, probably because that’s what my mom was up until she was pregnant.

My ideal body:

Ok I lie.  My ideal body is my body.

My ideal hairstyle for the moment:  I think it would be cute, but my hair is shorter, cuz I cut it.

I think I’d be such a cute mom!

Here Lies the Procrastinator

She died under a pile of papers, because she didn’t do any school work.

I keep putting schoolwork off.  NOOO nOOOOOOO.  I can’t let 2009 be another 2008.  I should be getting straigh A’s.  I’m smart enough.  Damn.

OK so racism hurts both ways

So sometimes I get so focused on how other people are racist and how much that hurts my feelings that I forget that sometimes I am racist, and that I hurt people when I say racist stuff too.  This was proved to me today by Lucas Miller who was commenting on my grammar on fucking aim, and you know sometimes I type too fast and make a mistake and sometimes it’s on purpose, but still, I KNOW HOW TO SPEAK AND YOU DON’T NEED TO CORRECT ME.

So I said, “You know, and I’m not trying to be racist (which is always an indicator that what you say probably is), but it seems like most white people are really uppity about grammar at times when it doesn’t MATTER.  Like during text messages, aim, or casual conversation.”

And then he goes and says, “Well you are being racist, and I could also go and say that most African Americans don’t pay too much attention to proper grammar, and yada yada.”  Which made me mad a little, but is kind of true, but I think colloquial is beautiful, and that some people are just so damn uptight.

Anyway, I think the only real issue is that I cannot stand it when someone takes it upon themselves to fucking correct my grammar during a text message or an aim conversation.  That’s just rude.

Here’s another African song.  I really like the second girl’s hair, I want to try that style, and MY GOSH I love Nigerian Accents, they are so sexy!

I know it’s immature

I try not to be spiteful, and I’m usually not when it’s with someone I respect and don’t want to really, really hurt by saying BS like:

“You’re an ugly whore who’s not worth my shit”

The only purpose of saying something like that is to hurt someone’s feeelings, and maybe some people are strong enough to rise above that, but I don’t think most are, most teens are, even if it’s really, really petty.

But I’m really not proud of being spiteful, because it’s unnecessary, but sometimes its really hard to rise above the temptation, especially in circumstances where you’re trying to rekindle a friendship and the other person doesn’t give a shit.

But then I went to this diversity conference and after spending a bit of time with a bitch named Lackey, and this fool named Rice, I thought hey maybe you know my “friends” who I sometimes hate arn’t so bad.

Well it’s too late now for that shit.

Thank God for my family.  Thank God for my sisters, and my cousins who are the most amazing people, and who are my best friends.  Thank God for Mrs. W and for Sharanya, and Ms. L, and Mr. A, and Mrs. H.  Thank God for Chris, my new favorite person. Thank God for Melissa, who is so completely drama free.  Thank God for all the other people I don’t feel like naming but who make my day better.  I am sorry for not appreciating you sooner.

I know I am spiteful and I know I was wrong for a lot of stuff, but there’s nothing you can do about that if someone else doesn’t give a fuck.  And you know, she has a right to be, and I’m not even mad at her for it.  And if she reads this than I will say that I am sorry for being spiteful and rude and immature, and though I am getting better at rising above things, I am still not there.

And you know I don’t expect most or even any of my friendships from highschool to really last.  But I’ve decided that I shouldn’t take for granted the people who want to be a part of my life, so I will definetly coorespond more with Alon, because, hey, the boy likes me.  I don’t know if he like, likes me still, but I know he wants to be friends, which, you know, is all I want and can take right now.

At the diversity conference I did things I wish I hadn’t.  But then again, it was a learning experience, and those are always good.

Also,  at the diversity conference, I met lots of great people that I wish I could have spent more time with.  And there was this guy, specifically, that was into me, and it was so adorable.  We were having a party in the guys’ room, and he came over to sit next to me and he was like, “Hi Damali!” and it was so cute.

I love, love having guys pursue ME, instead of the other way around.

And also, I love being called Mz. Princeton.  Ha.

And I love all my natural hair sistas, because I really needed the reassurance.

And I love all my African peoples who are PROUD.

Also, I dance like such a whore at dances, and I don’t even care, because it’s fun, and just because I dance dirty, doesn’t mean I am.

But I was dancing with this one really tall white guy and it was hillarious because all he did was stand behind me and hold my hips.  I couldn’t take it and had to leave after about five seconds.

I met a lot of cute/awesome guys, but I also met a lot of amaazing girls, who I wish I knew more personally because these girls would be my best friends.  You can just tell when you connect with someone.

AND I LOVE PEOPLE WHO DON’T USE PROPER GRAMMAR IN THEIR TEXT MESSAGES BECAUSE IT IS SO ENTERTAINING TO READ.

Example:

“dang they b movin hella much lol”

versus

“Wow they move around a lot, ha ha”

So since my friends are pissing me off and my grades are dropping because I’m not doing homework and studying, the rest of highschool is going to be about my EDUMACATION and getting into a good University.  NOT PARTIES, NOT BOYS, NOT DRINKING, NOT HAVING SEX.  And I don’t even care anymore because I’m really, really more worried about getting into college.  And I doubt my mom’s going to let me go to any parties, because shes mad at me for not working hard enough.  And she’s right.  Also, I’m not really worried about those things anymore, because I’ve had a taste of them, and I know I don’t need them anymore, like I did before.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to party, and meet more boys, and get drunk, and have sex.   Just not right now.  Also, I would never do drugs, because when you have a dad who struggles with a drug addiction, you more than realize that that shit is not a game.  And because I’ve tried my share of liquor and realized that I like pomegranate juice and apple cider better, I don’t need to do it as much anymore.  Also, because I’ve done shit with a guy I DID NOT LIKE OR WANT BUT FELT PRESSURED, I realize that I don’t want to do the whole random hooking up thing anymore.  Also, because I’ve met a fair share of  guys who liked me or thought I was cute or whatever, I don’t feel like I’m unattractive or that I’ll be single forever.  So since I now know that these things will come, I can focus on school right now, and lagh hella much because my friend J got grounded because she was caught with some boy in bed. HA

And isn’t it funny the way you end up being friends with someone who you once despised, and vice versa?

And I cannot wait for the reunion!!!!! It’s going to be a fucking blast!!!!!!